Meet Robbie, Team VOA Roseville + Distance Crew Alumni Mentor
On Sunday morning, Robbie woke up at 4am, too nervous to sleep. It was the morning of his first ever half-marathon, City of Lakes, which he would be running with as part of the Mile in My Shoes Alumni Distance Team. Completing the race would be one of several milestones this past week, including a big promotion at work and the one year anniversary of his release from prison. “I’ve been out for one year, and it’s the longest I’ve been on the outside since I was 15,” he shared.
“I left home at 14. It’s taken me a long time to speak about this, but I was abused by two different stepfathers and my older brother. My stepfather broke my nose and that was the last straw - I left. I had nowhere to go and I stayed wherever I could - friend’s houses, empty boats, the park. I tried for a while to keep going to school but it didn’t last long. I started using [drugs and alcohol] and by 15 I was in a juvenile prison.
I would get out for short periods of time, but mess things up and go back. I was a piece of shit. People abused me, my father didn’t own me, and my mother didn’t protect me. I’ve always believed I deserved everything bad that came my way.
I got very wrapped up in prison life, I hung out with the “lifers”. I didn’t trust authority, I wouldn’t “snitch”, and I was involved in people getting hurt. One day, one of the lifers - who had already done 34 years - said ‘Little brother, what are you doing?’ I told him ‘I want everyone to know that I am the man.’ He said to me, ‘Little brother, you aren’t the man. If you were the man, you’d be at home taking care of your family.’ That changed everything for me
It was a huge accomplishment to finish the race. It was a challenge. I was hurting badly and the negative thoughts about being a failure came in hard, and without my Mentor Mike J I would’ve given in and given up. I couldn’t have asked for a better pacer, partner, inspiration, support. I’m so grateful to MiMS - coming around that last corner and seeing and hearing all of you guys yelling for me, it was just amazing. It was very emotional to cross the finish line - I cried when I finished. This race, and MiMS, is a life-builder, really. I realized that I can succeed if I put forth the effort and believe in my support system - and myself. Even though my feet hurt so bad today!”
I have six children, and one passed away in 2018 while I was in prison. I wasn’t there to bury him, or to support his siblings as they went through it. So when I got out of prison I vowed to myself, and to my kids, that I would not go back. Yet when I got to the halfway house (VOA Roseville Re-entry) a year ago, I almost immediately began to doubt my ability to be successful.
All I could think about was going back - I was almost wishing it. ‘You’re gonna fail, you’re a loser, you’re better off in prison. You can’t understand technology. You don’t know what Uber is! No one is gonna give you a job.’ On top of the negative self-talk, I felt like I had even less freedom at the halfway house. I was in such a negative, negative spot.
A housemate, Eric, told me about Mile in My Shoes - he was running - but I was so broken that I didn’t really hear it. Then one day in comes Matt (D’olimpio, MiMS program coordinator) to recruit people. He was bouncing around just exuding joy and happiness - and he was completely sober! - and I was like what is wrong with this dude? And how can I get some of it? So I joined.
Right away, I met a Run Mentor named Geno. And I was like wait, I know this guy from Lino Lakes! He’s a Mentor?? He was just wearing the grays and blues with me. This really challenged one of my core beliefs about myself, about people like me and where we could go. I started running and hearing from other guys who had been where I’d been and my walls started crumbling down. I had felt undeserving, but if these guys could do it, couldn’t I? They had a number too. Maybe I have a shot at this. The entire team of Mentors, the way you treated me. These were some very successful people who were looking at me like a human being, who were genuinely loving me. Maybe I could love myself, too.
I can’t think of a time when I’ve turned back into the VOA driveway after a team run when my eyes aren’t welling with tears. If I complete a mile, I can say I did that, I didn’t fail at that. That gives me hope that my life is, that I am, different now. Now I say, I’m going to run three miles, and I go do it. That means I have changed.
Resident Member Manager Jen sort of tricked me into my first race, the Drumstick Dash 10K. You all are good at that, persuading people to get outside their ‘norm’. Then at the beginning of this year, she suggested I join the Distance Team, and I was sort of committed before I even realized we would be running a half marathon!
The start of the race was so many people - the crowd was hundreds but felt like thousands. For someone who has been in prison a long time, I didn’t like that - I don’t want people I can’t see behind me,I get jumpy. It was scary, but I survived it - and that was a growth moment for me, another chance to challenge these beliefs I’ve held onto for so long.