Meet Matt, Team VOA Roseville + Distance Crew Alumni Member
Around 5:45am on October 1, 2023, Distance Team and Alumni Member Matt was en route to the starting line of the Twin Cities Marathon when he got word that the race he’d been training for for over five months had been canceled. “My stomach dropped. I was in disbelief,” he recalls. “Honestly had I not been with a MiMS Run Mentor (Kim) I would’ve just gone home. Instead, we went to the starting line to meet the rest of the group.
“I was really upset - the day marked nine months sober for me, and the race was a really big deal. But the group decided to run together for a shorter distance, and so I joined, even though I’ll admit I was grumpy about it. And by the end of the run, it didn’t seem as much like the end of the world. Isn’t that the thing with running? I went home feeling much better - and actually pretty proud of myself.”
Using running as a tool to cope with strong emotions and calm his anger has become second nature for Matt, who started running with Mile in My Shoes in the spring of 2022 with Team Roseville.
“I guess you could say I have had to deal with a lot of anger and resentment from my childhood. I was adopted as a baby, because my birth mother struggled with severe mental health issues. I struggled a lot with my family growing up because I was extremely sheltered. My sister and I were homeschooled through high school, and we weren’t involved really in anything outside the home. No sports, not many activities, really no friends. My parents didn’t want us exposed to outside influences. My dad had anger issues, and we walked on eggshells constantly.
There are some personal strengths that have come from my upbringing - I am a really good self-starter and self-learner. But there was a lot of negativity, too. Because of the way I was brought up, I believe I was stunted emotionally and socially. I had an extreme fear of conflict and had a hard time sticking up for myself. I got my associates degree while still in high school, but it was almost all online. So the first time really ever leaving the house was after that.
I will admit that I was skeptical - I’m not used to people being positive and nice for no reason, you know? I also didn't think they would actually run that much, either! But I went to the run and right there I was sold. It was not what I expected - the energy was so positive and people were so welcoming. They wanted me to sign this commitment contract and I wasn't sure, but I read it and thought, I can get on board with all of this.
I wanted to uphold my commitment - to the team and to myself - and so I came to every run unless I absolutely couldn’t. To get to the team runs I took two buses - the trip took 90 minutes. For the morning runs, I’d leave my house around 4:30am. After the runs I took the bus to my outpatient treatment and then my job at Caribou. It was long, but it was worth it because I needed the support of the team.
In July, I ran my first race with MiMS - the a 5K on the track. I almost didn’t do it - I was going through tough stuff mentally. But my pacer Ben (Moberg) was so great. We got to the last lap and I was really starting to burn - I would’ve pulled back had I been alone. But Ben was like no, we’re gonna keep this up, we got this. I figured ‘If he thinks I can do it, then maybe I can.’ I was so shocked to see the ribbon in front of me at the end, I hadn’t even realized I was in first.
In August, just a few months before the marathon, I relapsed hard. But my commitment to myself and to MiMS helped me get back on track. I’ll be damned if I will let shooting dope derail this marathon after I already told everyone I was doing it! I even decided to fundraise for MiMS at that time. I’m not big into supporting causes because I am skeptical of most. But when I look at what MiMS has provided me - with the ‘stuff’, yeah, but mostly the support - I have zero problem asking for help from my people, because they can see how much this program has done for me.
Completing the marathon last October was hands down the most inspiring thing I’ve ever done. I’m here to say that the rush of heroin and meth are nothing like what I felt that day. Those highs end a few hours later in loneliness and shame. The marathon was the opposite - I had a warm feeling that just grew and grew. Using drugs, you see the worst of humanity - people doing unthinkable things to themselves and their loved ones. Marathon day, strangers were cheering for us and handing us water - if that isn’t the best of humankind! The positive energy was mind-blowing. Getting there was really hard, and I almost didn’t make it, but I did. And I EARNED it. And I will have that accomplishment forever.
As soon as I crossed the finish line last year I knew I would be doing it again, and so I signed up for the Distance Team this year. Even though I am living in Rochester and did most of my running alone, Tiffany and I would drive up every other weekend to run with the team. We have such great conversations on the longer runs. Before every drive we’d be like ‘Are we really gonna go all this way? and then in the car home we’d always say, ‘oh that was such a good idea.’
I’m over nine months sober now, and I have a good feeling about this time. I’ve connected with my biological sister, and we have such a great relationship even though she lives in Germany - she is a huge part of my support system. This time around I am taking things seriously - I am doing the steps and going to the meetings. And running is part of my treatment plan now - if I don’t run and connect with others, I’m not taking care of myself. And the way I feel about myself after every run - that I accomplished it, that I am worthy - is huge for my recovery.
While at first not being able to run the marathon I’d trained so hard for was a blow, by the time Matt (Hourigan, Distance Team Mentor) and I reached the capitol on Oct 1st, he was helping me get registered for the Hixon 50K on October 29th. I’ve never run that far before, and I just ran on a trail for the first time last weekend - that was such a new and peaceful experience for me. I am really excited, and I know I have good company.
I would love to be a Mentor with Mile in My Shoes one day, because I’ve had a lot of rough go’s. I have started over so many times. I’ve walked that path, and I know what it’s like to think “oh I could never do that.” But anybody can - I know from experience. I am proof.” Check the update following Matt’s 50K race!
I left home at 18 and I was very socially awkward. I had such a hard time with other people my age. I didn’t know rock paper scissors, I couldn’t relate to pop culture references. I didn’t understand boundaries, or pick up on social cues. But I started to work - I had a job in manufacturing during the day and I managed a grocery store in the evening. I knew how to work hard, and I had saved almost $20K before I was 20. But I didn’t know how to talk to girls or friends, and outside of work, I was lonely and lost.
It was around that time that I started to smoke weed - and all the sudden I kind of had a network of people to hang out with. And I had money, so I could buy drugs for myself and for others. You could say I bought friends that way, and people took advantage of me. One of the guys at the manufacturing plant found out I smoked weed, and asked if I’d tried meth. That was the start of my big problems.
When I was still twenty, my family said I either needed to go to Teen Challenge or we were done. This was where I learned a lot of my social skills - this experience was huge for me. It is also where I started running. I’d literally never done any sports or exercise before but there was a guy, Dan who would take anyone who wanted on a run a few mornings a week. I think we were all looking for a way just to get outside for a few hours and in the fresh air. The first time I ran just about killed me! But it was so good to just be talking to other people. Dan kept track of our mileage and that was really motivating for me - it felt like I was achieving something.
I graduated from Teen Challenge, and things were going well when the bottom fell out again. I had my first manic episode - I know now that my mother also had Bipolar Disorder - and I was committed to the hospital. I was medicated, but mistakes with the anti-psychotics left me in a really bad place, I was basically a zombie. It was after some time in that state that I started shooting meth again. I was in love with shooting meth. I finally felt alive again. That was in 2015. Over the next five years, I went to 15 different treatment programs and did a fair amount of jail time.
By the end of 2020, I was starting to get things back together. I had finally graduated from a program I’d never made it through before, I got my own apartment for the first time, got my driver’s license back and I was in a relationship. Just when things were starting to really come together, I relapsed, and this time it was bad. I overdosed and I almost didn’t make it. It took five narcan to revive me, and I was on a ventilator.
Once I was stable, I was committed again, this time to a program up in Fergus Falls. I was completely broken. I had extreme anger and resentment and hurt - at myself, at others, at where I was and what I had lost - and I needed to challenge it. There were no drugs to be found there, and what did I have left that I could control? Well, I was allowed to run laps around the building. So, I started running again. I had a GPS watch, and I started with a half mile, then a mile. After a couple of months I became known as “the running guy” because I was out there every day. Those laps helped me calm down and clear my head - it was so good for me. I ran 177 miles in 3 months...all around that building.
The rest of 2021 was a struggle - I went in and out of locked facilities. When I got out in early 2022, I reached out to my friend Tiffany for some support. She had just been released from federal prison and told me I should check out this running group that she was a part of at her halfway house. At that point I had just registered for the Twin Cities Marathon, because I really wanted to stick with running this time and I knew having something tangible would help me stick with it. She gave me (Team Roseville Resident Manager) Mike’s (Jurasits) number and I called him. He invited me to come to the run that same night.