Meet Godana, Team Union Gospel Mission Resident Member
It was still pitch dark out when, on a recent Tuesday morning on a basketball court outside of Union Gospel Mission in downtown St. Paul, Team Captain Matt called Resident Member Godana to the center of the circle. By light of headlamp, Matt addressed his teammates: “I am nominating Godana to be the next Team Captain because I see him coming out here every single day, and I see he is taking all this seriously.”
“I haven’t been nominated for too many things in my life,” said Godana. “So that felt really good. I’ve really been trying to work on my leadership skills, and to come out of my shell more. Being part of MiMS has really helped me in that area - getting out of my comfort zone and being around people. Usually, I don’t go to places where I don’t already know the people. Before, I didn’t really trust people.
Growing up, I really just learned to keep to myself because I had experiences that caused me to lose trust in people. My twin sister and I were born in a refugee camp in Nairobi, Kenya. My parents left Ethiopia before I was born because we are Oromo and we were treated poorly. I don’t even know the whole story, but I know there was civil strife and not many opportunities, and my dad had always dreamed of coming to America. He moved to Seattle not long after we were born, but my mom did not want to leave her family. My parents separated and my mom moved back to Ethiopia - but did not bring me and my sister. I think we stayed with family friends until my dad sent for us, when we were five. How did my mother let us go? Did she think we would have a better life? What was going through her mind?
My mom passed away when I was thirteen - before I ever saw her again. I have a lot of unanswered questions - questions I’ve tried hard to suppress all these years.
She did send some gifts and call us sometimes - that makes me think she thought about us. Growing up with my dad, there was very little emotion. Our relationship wasn’t very open - I think it’s just how he was raised. I tried to ask my dad these questions a few times but he clearly didn’t want to talk about it, so I stopped. Maybe I didn’t even want to know the answers.
Our neighborhood in Seattle was very diverse, immigrants from around the world, and I appreciate that, but my sister and I were the only Oromo in our school. I liked school up until about middle school. That’s when I started drinking and smoking weed. I had a lot of anxiety as a kid, and drinking and smoking helped. Early in high school a friend convinced me to try the cross country team, and I actually really enjoyed that for a few months. But then I got in with a bad crowd and stopped showing up. By the time I was 14-15 I just stopped coming home a lot - I would be gone for weeks at a time. I got expelled from a few schools, and by that point my dad - who worked in a laundromat for many years - had just sort of given up trying with me.
By what should’ve been my senior year in high school I had just stopped going and was working at an Autozone, and making good money, so I didn’t think I needed school. Around then I decided to leave Seattle and go to Los Angeles. I had been on a trip to California when I was younger and always thought about moving there one day. But I was arrested for a robbery soon after I got there - it’s a complicated story, but I was definitely hanging out with bad people - and I ended up in jail for six months. Jail in Southern California - it was awful.
Honestly, after that point, there are a lot of blanks in my story because I am still working on saying them out loud. There have been years of jail and treatment programs. I haven’t even told a lot of my story to my sponsor - it’s an important part of the twelve steps, and I know I need to do it. And I know I will get there. But one thing I know - I am trying hard to be a totally different man.
I have been here to Union Gospel Mission before, but I wasn’t ready. I have a 13 year old daughter, and when she was eight months old I got into an accident while under the influence while she was in the car. You’d have thought that would’ve done it for me, but no. I have a stepson whose own father was murdered. He calls me dad, and while I love that now, at first it was so much pressure - here is another child to fail.
In 2017, I came here, to CRC (Christ Recovery Center at UGM). But I wanted to do recovery on my own terms, and it doesn’t work that way. Last time, I said I was doing this for my kids. But now I know I have to do this for myself. I’ve got to get myself right so that I can be there for them.
People who were here and knew me five years ago can see how different I am this time. I’m talking less, listening more. I know I can’t do things “my way”, I can’t skip the steps. But what I’m worried about right now is that as I keep doing better and better, I will get too comfortable and start thinking “Oh, I’ve got this.” I need to remember the feeling of despair I felt when I walked in this door.
Being part of Mile in My Shoes is a big part of doing things differently this time. Keeping to myself or to people I’m comfortable with has caused me to put up a wall, to protect myself. But after being here about three weeks, I worked up the courage to ask one of the Members, Chad, about the group out there stretching. I really just thought it was going to be about fitness. The first morning I went out and everyone hugged me - I’m not gonna lie that threw me a little bit! It was more hugs at one time than I’d ever had in a day! Immediately I was overwhelmed by the love
and total acceptance I felt. It was just instant - ‘we accept you in.’ So yeah, I didn’t realize that it was about so much more than running - but about a sense of belonging, about love.
One thing that is really helping me is that we are coming together around running, but it’s even more about community and getting to know one another. I’m getting more comfortable opening up about myself. I’m learning that there are good people out there who aren’t trying to get something from me, there is no ulterior motive. They just want to get to know me - they value me for who I am. Through this I am learning that you can let people in without being hurt.
Talking with some of the Mentors on our runs, I have learned that they get as much joy out of this as I do. Understanding that this is mutual has been really important to me. The Mentors are choosing to be here with us, and we are choosing to be here too. We are all here to get better. Even more than anyone saying this, I can feel it.
Running with MiMS has me looking at other areas of my health now, too. I needed something like this to help me quit smoking, which I have been working on and making progress. Being a part of this team is actually part of a lifestyle change - I’m gonna be a runner now. A runner is someone who is conscious of their health, but it’s also about being a part of a community. I want to get to the point where I want to run on my own. But for now, I want to run with Mile in My Shoes.”